#4 Training Reasons

One of the most interesting phenomenons I’ve witnessed in dealing with human sexuality is the ability of people to train themselves into having an orgasm. Any one who has ever masturbated has engaged in a selftraining program which has taught them how to orgasm. Before we talk about female training, I’ll give you an example from male sexuality.

I worked with a male once who was a regular masturbator. During masturbation, he fantasized about having his partner bent over the edge of a couch and engaging in rear penetration, not anal sex. For months he used this same fantasy to help him reach orgasm during masturbation. This affected his sex life. When he was having sex with his partner, he found that he was losing his erection and finding it difficult to climax in any other position. The only way he was able to reach orgasm during actual sex was by imitating what he had been doing in his masturbation fantasies.

Essentially, he had trained himself about how to get off. Men are not the only ones who train themselves. In fact, the training men do usually does not interfere with their ability to reach an orgasm during actual intercourse. With women, it’s different. Women train themselves in two ways. First, they train themselves to reach orgasm using specific techniques. Second, they train themselves for each orgasm using certain fantasies. Let’s talk about both of these.

When women begin masturbating, they do tend to try multiple ways of accomplishing the goal. Once they find something that works then they stick to it. Let me give you an example. One woman I worked with had been masturbating with a vibrator for about ten years. She had to use the same vibrator every time because she claimed no other vibrator could bring her to orgasm. With sexual partners, she would fake orgasm then excuse herself to the bathroom where she would reach a real orgasm using her vibrator. After a decade of relying on the same toy and the same technique to reach orgasm, this young woman had taught her body how to have an orgasm.

Since her partner’s penis was not her vibrator, it was not capable of doing the job. To his credit, he did try a variety of things to help her but the problem really wasn’t his alone to fix. She had to re-train her body. The second method of training often begins even before a woman ever masturbates. As soon as girls begin fantasizing about men, they are beginning to train their bodies about how to reach orgasm. I have another example to share which illustrates this fact as well. A woman I worked with had been relying on the same fantasies during masturbation for almost two decades. Her preference were rape fantasies in which she was the victim and was non-violently coerced into having intercourse with multiple partners.

The fantasies involved different scenarios, locations, and men but the basics were all the same. Even when she tried to have other fantasies, they would always end up deteriorating into a rape fantasy before she was able to orgasm. The only time she was able to reach an orgasm with her husband was when they attempted to act out her fantasy. Like the other woman, she had to re-train her mind about what turned her on and what would lead her to an orgasm.

The reason I’m sharing these stories with you is because orgasm training is one of the biggest, yet most often unrecognized, reasons for women’s difficulties in reaching an orgasm. The only way to break free of that old training is through experimentation. The more the two of you try different things the more likely she is to find something else that can help her climax.

What You Need to Remember

Keep in mind as you read the next two chapters that there are a number of reasons why women may have more difficulty reaching an orgasm than men will. Those reasons include social pressures not to enjoy sex, a lack of trust in the relationship, anatomical differences between men and women, and limited orgasm training.

Understanding what may be hampering your sexual relationship will help you determine the best course of action to take in order to enjoy mutually satisfying sex.

Female Orgasm and Foreplay

For men who want to please their partners, foreplay is not optional. I make that point because I’ve worked with lots of men who hated foreplay and just wanted to get down to business without realizing that foreplay has an important role in female orgasm. I’ve also worked with men who enjoy foreplay just as much as the women in their lives. What’s important to realize is that foreplay should be about what makes her feel good because at this point you’re probably already in a state of arousal. She is probably not at that point yet.

In this we’re first going to discuss the female sexual arousal cycle and compare it to yours. Then, we’ll look at some types of foreplay which you can try with your partner in order to help her become physically and psychologically ready to orgasm.

Here are 11 facts all men must know about female orgasms and satisfying a woman sexually:

Women can experience 2 different kinds of orgasms namely clitoral (the most common and the one most women are familiar with) and vaginal (less common).

A few women can’t orgasm at all.

The majority of women can only orgasm from having their clitoris stimulated manually, orally or with a vibrator.

Less than half of all women can have vaginal orgasms. They can learn with training and practice, but most don’t know how.

Since most women must have clitoral stimulation, they don’t climax during intercourse unless additional stimulation is provided to the clitoris.

For more than half of all women, their ability to orgasm has absolutely nothing to do with the size of a man’s penis.

For the women that can have vaginal orgasms, they generally have 2 kinds: the cul-de-sac orgasm or the G-spot orgasm. Most women who can have a cul-de-sac orgasm can also have G-spot orgasms. The cul-de-sac is located deeper inside up behind the cervix. While stimulation of the cul-de-sac can be pleasurable most women do not like the feel of the cervix being touched with a probing finger or bumped with a long penis. A 5 inch penis is usually long enough to reach the cul-de-sac depending on the woman.

The other vaginal orgasm comes by stimulating the G-spot. It is not really a spot but more of an area located a couple of inches along the front wall of the vagina. Depending on the woman the G-spot area can be as small as a pea or as large as silver dollar. The G-spot responds to firm pressure and gentle tapping. This can be a drawback because when the G-spot is stimulated she my feel she has to urinate. Stimulation of the G-spot often causes fluid to build up in the Skene’s glands or female prostrate. Many women are uncomfortable with the sensation of fluid build up and are afraid the fluid they release is urine. Numerous studies have confirmed the fluid or female ejaculate is not urine but is akin to prostrate fluid found in male ejaculate. And like a man’s, her ejaculation fluids can “squirt” out from the urethra during orgasm and is completely normal.

A man does not need a long penis to give a woman who is capable a vaginal orgasm. In most cases a 5 inch long penis is all that is required for a G-spot or cul-de-sac orgasm.

Girth or thickness is NOT a significant factor in satisfying a woman. While some women enjoy the “stretched like a water balloon” feeling, most women do not. To large a girth can cause pain during sex. Men of average or small girth may be concerned if they do not feel the vagina tight around their penis and the vagina feels too loose and does not provide enough stimulation. This situation is much more effectively remedied by the women strengthening her pelvic muscles than by a man trying to add girth which may be possible but the process takes months.

Whereas a woman can strengthen and tighten her “grip” in just a few weeks. The stronger the pelvic muscles the stronger the orgasms and the tighter the “grip” during sex. The ezCOME (easy Clinical Orgasm Muscle Exerciser) is an excellent way for a woman to strengthen her PC and pelvic muscles. A man would be much better off purchasing an ezCOME for a woman that wasting money on questionable male enhancement products.

Women with very strong pelvic muscles can easily orgasm vaginally just by flexing their muscles, with or without a penis inside. They can also flex their muscles around an inserted penis and give a man wonderful sensations. The point is a man’s penis size is not as important as a woman’s vaginal strength when it comes to a woman’s orgasm. It is the tapping sensation that triggers a vaginal orgasm and not the stretching and filling up sensation. Hitting the right spot in a tight and toned vagina is more important than size.

Real women generally need a minimum of 5 to 10 minutes of direct, consistent and skilled clitoral stimulation to have a clitoral orgasm. In porn the women are shown having multiple vaginal orgasms within moments of penetration. While such orgasmic abilities are possible, such women are rare, and the instant multiple orgasms portrayed in porn are pretended. In the real world women typically react very differently than the stylized porn queens. Also all the men in porn are huge and their size has nothing to do with the fake orgasms of their co stars. Remember they are actors. Don’t make the mistake of thinking your size has anything to do with your woman’s orgasms.

Men sometimes find these female orgasm facts hard to believe. Men will get much more out of sex by focusing on their sex skills and her pelvic muscle tone rather than worrying about the size of his penis.

Two Types of Female Orgasms

One of the biggest misconceptions people have about female orgasms is that they are all created equal. The truth is that not all orgasms are the same: they may all be equally pleasurable but they are generally arrived at through different means.

Basically, there are two types of female orgasms: vaginal and clitoral. In this chapter, we’re going to briefly discuss both types. This will provide you with some background that you’ll need when we can begin experimenting with orgasm-producing techniques a little later in the book.

Vaginal Orgasm

As you’ll recall from the first chapter, this type of orgasm was the only type Freud and other men of his time felt to be legitimate types of sexual pleasure for women to experience. Unfortunately for women, only about 20% can receive an orgasm through vaginal stimulation alone. The other 80% need something a little extra.

Before we get into that, let me explain exactly what we mean by vaginal orgasm. A vaginal orgasm occurs solely because of stimulation of the vagina. That stimulation is usually in the form of the thrusting of the male penis during vaginal intercourse.

The reason most women do not receive an orgasm just from penetration is that the vagina is not a highly sensitive area. This is actually a good thing. Remember that the vagina is not just used for sex but also for delivering babies. If the inside walls of the vagina were made up of concentrated nerve endings like we find in the nipple, the clitoris, or the penis, then childbirth would be even more difficult for women.

In fact, only the first two inches of the vagina are sensitive at all. So why do some women have orgasms solely from vaginal stimulation? The answer is they probably aren’t. Women who report vaginal orgasms benefit from their anatomy. In some women, the labia minora are formed in such a way that vaginal penetration actually causes the labia to rub against or gently pull on the clitoris. This, not vaginal stimulation, is leading to the orgasm in most cases. Technically, however, this would still be considered a vaginal orgasm because there is not direct stimulation of the clitoris.

Another reason why some women report having vaginal orgasms is that the shape of the penis and their preferred position allow for stimulation of the G-spot. Because the G-spot is linked to increased pleasure and may also induce orgasms, this is another possibility worth considering.

The bottom line here though is that vaginal orgasms are not common. Men and women need to realize that penetration is often not going to be enough to accomplish the goal. The good news is that gives both partners an excuse to experiment with some new things, including some we’ll discuss later in the book.

Clitoral Orgasm

By far the most common way for a woman to regularly reach orgasm is through direct or indirect clitoral stimulation. Before we just into that subject, I think it may help to share with you some information about the clitoris.

The clitoris is located just by the vaginal entrance and behind the labia

minora. In most women, it is a small nub of flesh which contains a high concentration of nerve endings which make it highly sensitive. It is often covered by a clitoral hood. Many people don’t realize that only a small portion of the clitoris is actually visible. The remainder of the organ is surrounded by the rest of the reproductive system and extends all the way to the bottom of the pubic bone.

Two things are particularly interesting about the clitoris. First, all female mammals have a clitoris. This is interesting because the sole purpose, at least according to biologists, of the clitoris is sexual pleasure. That would seem to mean that humans aren’t the only ones who enjoy the way sex feels.

Second, the clitoris is made from the same material as the penis. In fact, in men the clitoris becomes a full-fledged penis after the embryo is exposed to testosterone in the womb. Just like the penis, the clitoris fills with blood and becomes erect during sexual arousal. The clitoral hood is essentially the same as the foreskin of a penis.

The only real difference between a clitoris and a penis – besides location in the body – seems to be that the penis is also used for urination while the clitoris is not.

With that said, its important to realize that the clitoris is really similar in size to the penis, even though most of it cannot be seen. Vibrations through the pelvic region caused by intercourse could stimulate the nerve endings in the unseen part of the clitoris as well and this can also cause orgasms.

What many people don’t realize about the clitoris is that the penis alone usually cannot stimulate it. Because of its position in the woman’s body, the ability of the penis to provide rhythmic stimulation to the clitoris is extremely difficult. That means traditional intercourse usually needs to be coupled with clitoral stimulation.

The question is how does one engage in clitoral stimulation. Some male partners take the approach that the women should be responsible for the stimulation themselves, which has always seemed a bit unfair to me since the woman is providing him with the stimulation he needs to reach orgasm. However, this is one way to deal with it.

Another method is by, what I like to call multi-tasking. Multi-tasking basically means the man does more than one thing at the same time. For example, he may be penetrating the vagina while also stimulating the clitoris in one way or another (we’ll discuss those ways a little later). If the couple wants to achieve orgasm at or near the same time, this is clearly the best option.

Other couples I’ve met with have resorted to an alternative approach. One person reaches orgasm at a time. Depending on how each person best reaches orgasm, this may be a possibility but it’s usually not the most satisfactory approach.

The best thing about clitoral orgasms is that they can be achieved in many different ways. Because the entire area is highly sensitive, experimenting with these types of orgasms can also add some interest and spice to sexual relationships which may have become less enthusiastic over time.

And the key is experimenting because different women prefer different types of clitoral stimulation. While some prefer direct stimulation, others find it uncomfortable and prefer to have the area around the clitoris stimulated instead. Women who have masturbated will generally have a much better idea of what type of stimulation they prefer than women who have not.

Before we close this chapter, let’s talk about what happens during a clitoral orgasm. As I mentioned above, the clitoris feels up with blood and becomes erect like a penis. This means its usually easier to spot when a woman is aroused. Because the clitoris does not need to be erect for sexual intercourse to occur, clitoral orgasms will only happen if the woman is aroused properly. That means some type of foreplay is generally a requirement. When the clitoris is stimulate repeatedly, it becomes more engorged with blood and this further heightens its sensitivity. With another stimulation a point is reached when all of the tension in the area must be released and this point is considered the orgasm.